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NON (ita me di ament) quicquam referre putaui,
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1
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I SWEAR by the gods I didn't think it mattered one straw
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utrumne os an culum olfacerem Aemilio.
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2
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whether I sniffed Aemilius's head or his anus:
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nilo mundius hoc, nihiloque immundius illud,
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3
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neither was better or worse than the other;
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uerum etiam culus mundior et melior:
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4
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or rather his anus was the better and smarter of the two,
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nam sine dentibus est. hic dentis sesquipedalis,
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5
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for it has no teeth. His mouth has teeth half a yard long,
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gingiuas uero ploxeni habet ueteris,
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6
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gums, moreover, like an old cart-frame,
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praeterea rictum qualem diffissus in aestu
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7
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with the kind of gape you'd find in summer
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meientis mulae cunnus habere solet.
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8
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on a mule's vagina as she urinates.
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hic futuit multas et se facit esse uenustum,
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9
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He has sex with many a woman and makes himself out a charmer,
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et non pistrino traditur atque asino?
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10
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and yet he is not passed over to the grinding-mill and its ass.
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quem siqua attingit, non illam posse putemus
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11
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If any woman touches him, don't we think that she is capable
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aegroti culum lingere carnificis?
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12
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of licking the anus of a sick hangman?
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